Appointment on Thursday went fine - the doctor found the heartbeat real quick and everything seemed to be in order. I was relieved.

Had rather a stressful weekend though - had a huge fight with my mom (what's new). Only now, since i am pregnant, I am worried that stuff like that will take toll on the baby and so I decided to avoid seeing my mom as much as possible. Which will be hard, but it's worth it. It's hard to have a parent who is in so many ways a total opposite of you, and at the same time who wants so much to be a part of your life. She thinks taht everything is "for my best" and her bullshit is her "parental duty" - i.e., getting on my nerves is her duty b/c she has to, u know, educate me. Or whatever. Lets just say that at the end of this exchange I was physically shaking, really shaking head to toe. So I went home, laid in bed for a while and felt better. But I just won't let it happen again. I won't even go into the details of the argument, it's pointless - lets just say that most of the thigs she said are none of her business whatsoever.

Maybe I should move to another state after all. Wouldn't that be a blow to her.

But other than taht, things are going good. I'm so grateful that pregnancy is going okay and I'm not even feeling that bad - just nauseous a lot, but at least I'm not throwing up. Only 3 more weeks and the first trimester is over!

I'm not "showing" yet. I can't fit into couple of my jeans but other than that, the rest of my clothes fits. I'm glad about this- really am not looking forward to buying maternity clothes. Some people love it and can't wait and I juts find the whole thing slightly freakish. I don't want to wear ugly stuff but nice stuff costs so much. I kind of looked around and found only one store where prices were more or less reasonable and the clothes didn't look like ugly tents. So yeah. We'll see how long my "normal" clothes hold me.

I noticed that I feel more angry/sad than happy. I think it's stupid of me b/c I should be happy - we wanted a child and hopefully we'll get it. No problems conceiving. My health is fine -even now. All tests came out great - so far. But I feel so much anxiety and fear and well, in case of my mom- anger... it kind of mares the whole experience. Guess i have to just let it go and try to enjoy it. More updates later!