Today was so long. In general, I find it that my job has absolutely no balance. It�s either I�m swamped to the point where I don�t find a time to eat, or I have nothing to do for hours at a time. Today was one of the swamp days. Lately, I find it that most of my days are super busy, while before it was much more relaxed. I guess ppl are used to the fact that I am efficient and the deadlines grow tighter. Oh well.

On a plus side, I don�t have school today. Will just relax after work. I have 1 year and 3 months to go and then � finally! � I�ll become an official graphic/web designer. I can�t wait. Not that my job now as an admin is so bad, but it�s not very mind-stimulating.

Tomorrow I got my second fitting for the wedding dress. I am so worried � I hope I hasn�t gained any weight and it will fit fine. Ridiculous how those people make the wedding gowns just so they wouldn�t fit you right, so that you have to pay enormous amounts of money for alterations. You�d think that being 5.1 of height will entitle you to some petite length dresses � but no, David�s Bridal carries exclusively dresses for giants, so even if I had flawless body it would still be too long. On top, they made the dress just tight enough so that I�d have a problem zipping it- not quite small enough for me to get the next size (which is huge on me, naturally), but just small enough for alterations � so that it needs letting an inch out (which is conveniently already sawn in for those purposes). Anyway, I didn�t exercise much last two weeks due to mid-terms in school. I�m freaking out that I won�t fit into the dress. I gain the stupid weight just like that if I don�t exercise. Well, guess will find out tomorrow. I suppose worst comes to worst, it�s not too late till the big date, and they can fix it. But for my own sanity I�d prefer to fit into it. Otherwise I�ll get depressed over the weight.

I often wonder what Mike thinks about this. I mean my weight. When we met about 1.5 years ago, I was about 10 lb lighter. I was an emotional mess, and exercised like a maniac to compensate for some sort of a mental void in me. It�s like people drink to not deal with pain � I exercised. Well, so much for that � he makes me just soo happy. After we started dating it was madness, trying to balance work, school, and squeezing dates w him. Obviously exercise had to give, so I cut it to about twice a week versus 5 times. Anyway, a year later here I am, ten pounds heavier. Well actually it was my weight most of the time before I got monaical and increased exercise, so I�m back to �normal�, but sometimes I wonder how he feels about it. Not that he�d say a word �he loves me. But I just feel real fat and self-conscious sometimes. Like I suppose a lot of women do. Anyhow, guess we�ll see tomorrow whether I should freak out or not.