Ouch! I just realized, looking at today's date, that my wedding is exactly 2 months away from today. Suddenly I am starting to feel nervous.

Well, I had my second fitting today. Who hoo, the dress fit! However, Im feeling rather mixed emotions about all this. They fitted it so well that it is literally perfect - like u can't go smaller or bigger on it. Which means - gasp - I can't gain an ounce before my wedding! Which is, well, do-able, but I never really had to monitor it so closely and Im just afraid that by the time April rolls it suddenly will get tight or look awkward or whatever. I wish I was marrying this weekend ;) - the dress would be perfect then! No, actually I don't wish for that. Anyway. Now they just have to press it and that's it.

In a way I am happy - besides I'll finally get to move in w Mike. In avoidance of scandals of "being a disgrace" to my family, I decided to stay home before the wedding. Mike really is a saint as those stupid drives from my place to his and back and vice versa is just driving both of us nuts. But my parents are so old-fashioned, of course it would be so shameful if I lived w my fiance. God forbid. Nevermind that my brother lives w his girlfriend for a year. But ah, he's a boy and he "needs it". And a girl - well, guess don't . Argggh. Anyway, it's a bit too late to change my parents.

By the same token, the closer the wedding comes the more nervous I become. I mean, aside from biggest commitment of my life, just the fact that about a hundred people will be staring at you for several hours is kind of nerve wrecking. Being the biggest intervert I know, I really feel almost panicky when I think about all these people - friends and family! - just looking at me, oohing and aahing. Now imagine if they look at me and my dress doesn't fit right.

Sometimes I think I am a biggest freak. I should be happy to be marrying the nicest, coolest guy there's, not obsessing over my weight and ppl looking at me. But while 10 months ago it all was so far away, now it's real and it makes me scared.