So where do I start. I guess first of all, things b/n Mike and I are much better now. I finally got over his mistake and we are able to move forward now. I've seen his mom since then and she seems totally fine - at least, she's been nice to me and we had a more or less normal conversation. I don't know what she thinks of me in private, but I'm sure hoping she's able to look beyond "it's my prescious boy" thing as well. So things are fine on that front.

However, I'm worried sick about our finances. Here's the downer of being married to someone whose income is SO unstable: I never know where we are. My job is of course pretty stable and my paycheck never changes (well, it's just much smaller for now since im working part time, but only one more month more of that). However with Mike I literally never know. So yesterday he lost lots of money - again! - and is all bummed out, and all I can think of - man, are we back to where we were a two years ago? The difference is, of course, that I'm not in school anymore and I make better money then I ever did... but hello, am I supposed to be the main bread winner? I don't think so! Yet I feel very hesitant pushing him to get a "real" job. Mainly b/c of Gabriel. Right now we have a perfect arrangement where Mike and my dad take care of him while I work. He's at home, with people he knows and loves and it would kill me to put him into daycare... plus the cost of it probably won't worth it anyway.

So I don't know. I guess I have to trust Mike to fix the situation. Day trading is a shaky business, you put your stakes into a wrong stock - and the losses always outweigh the wins. That's what amazes me - on his good days, he has moderate earnings, well sometimes better than moderate! - but then on his bad days the losses are always big. Makes me very nervous.

Another thing I have to go through now is - after the second checkup with the pediatric cardiologist, they are pushing for Gabriel's heart surgery to happen soon. The reason is, it only will get worse as he gets bigger. We were hoping to hold him over at least till he was a year but the dr. thinks it will be much better to do it earlier. So we're meeting with teh surgeon in the middle of May to discuss everything, and do some more tests for Gabriel. I'm worried sick! To think that this tiny little boy will have such a major surgery just gives me chills. I know it's for the better good... but it freaks me out! I guess I'll have to trust the doctors on this. I want him to have a healthy and normal life, and be able to run and play and all that... and he won't have that if we keep everything as is. So I'll just have to deal with my own fears and let the drs. do what they have to do.

On the more optimistic note - we had a marvelous Passover seders. Passover is really my favorite jewish holiday. It's so meaningful and it's really nice to have family to celebrate it with. And to think taht in mere couple years, Gabriel will be reading the 4 questions! That just makes me want to cry :)

Well, got to run to work!