I don't know what it is - I cannot shake off this sad feeling. I think something's really off in our relationship ever since last weekend when the whole incident with his mom happened. I mean we made up and talked about it and he admitted he made a mistake and all that... but I cannot help but feel resentment. I don't know what to do. I haven't talked to his mom after this incident, and to be honest Im totally dreading seeing her or talking to her. I think that now she thinks of me as this witch who's mean to her baby boy. How do u fix this? Regardless of our disagreements, he should have never brought his mom into this. I'm just not sure where to go from here. I love Mike, no doubts about it, but I feel like there's breech of trust between us now. I don't know what to do.

I'm also constantly tired. I feel for those people who don't have parents in town (or whose parents aren't willing to help). I am blessed with a loving family who helps tons with the baby and it's still not enough. I'm never fully rested. I constantly am either breastfeeding or pumping. When my parents take Gabriel off my hands, I am frantically running around the house trying to clean things up a little, make it look nice, trying to cook something for us to eat, trying to get even 20 minutes of sleep... I'm sad that in the past several months, the only time I actually sat down and read a book was in Omaha, on a plane while flying there, in the hotel, and on the way back. I love reading so much adn now it's became a luxury.

I don't want to complain. I'm blessed with the sweetest baby, who's a total joy. He's growing so fast and he's so much fun and it's just amazing that I'm a mom now!

But at the same time, I just wish there was more time to teh day. I wish I didn't have to sleep to feel good... I wish I could just relax sometimes.

I guess what they say about life never being the same after the baby is true. I just hope I'll adjust fast enough....