Very cool news I found out today - my dearest friend Stacie, who was one of my bridesmaids is pregnant! I got her e-mail today, she's about 3 months in, but obviously didn't tell anyone until they confirmed heartbeat and that everything was fine.

I am totally psyched for her - out of all people, I knew how much she wanted a kid, and how she was afraid she will never have it.... As a teen, she suffered with anorexia, and she still is super thin, like we're talking real real thin - even though she is not sick anymore. Before trying, she went for an evaluation and the doctor said her chances of conceiving naturally are very slim - for many health reasons. So actually she was about to undergo infertility treatment - and suddenly boom! - she's not feeling well, things are weird. A friend at school told her - hey u may be pregnant, and she dismissed the thought but then decided to take the test anyway... and bingo! :))

So yeah, it all is possible. I felt a bit sad, just a bit - not because of her happiness of course, but because I want a kid so badly too and we just cannot do it now... it 's killing me.

I certainly got less time, as she's several years younger. So yeah... I feel a bit sad and I get no support from my husband because he's not crazy about having kids. He wants them but it's more in theory, kind of like "one day we'll have kids". He cannot understand my concerns, the pressure I'm under, the age pressure, the desire to have a child. For him, it's a nuciance which will take away from his precious time with computers and basketball and whatever else he likes. I love Mike, but sometimes he drives me nuts with his doubts "what if we cant raise a kid". I dont konw. U wouldnt know unless u try, eh. Anyway, bottom line is, until I find a job this is all useless. So in a way it's all my fault anyawy. Just hoping that finally the black cloud will be lifted. Is this too much to ask for?