My thoughts are slightly scattered at the moment. I don�t know, there are good days and bad days, and on good days I am all hopeful and then bad days, well, vice versa. I know that I�ll find that job, I just don�t know when. There�s a lot of emotional stress going on, because even though we are okay financially, we really cannot move on until I get a stable job with benefits. We cannot even get a house, nevermind kids, because until we both are secure it�s just not going to happen. So it�s an odd situation. But what makes it so much harder is when your friends try to �moralize� instead of actually encouraging you. Here�s a quote from an e-mail I got from my best friend today� �I think that everyone should be a temp - it strengthens and teaches u. U wont take things for granted later on in life.� The between-the-lines meaning of this is : �you always had it good, you always had jobs and now life is teaching you a lesson. And of course it�s given that you took everything for granted.� When presented like this � it just sucks.

I hate to admit it, but inadvertently, I constantly feel that my best friend is in some weird competition with me � like, life competition. Where I am such a non-competitive person, I simply cannot be jealous of someone who is my best friend, it�s always status with her. So now I guess we are in some weird balance (according to her measures) � she got a nice house and a nice job but no boyfriend/husband, I got a husband but no job/house. Once I get that job, and well, I guess eventually house � in her mind, I will �win� that competition. She would never admit it, of course, but I get this vibe rather often off her, and every time so far I didn�t get the position I wanted to she was like � well, I kind of was �expecting� it. Don�t u hate when someone says post-factum that they were �expecting� something when u know they don�t have a clue. Yet when I do get really down and depressed she says oh you�ll find a job, don�t worry. But lots of time I see this arrogant �life is teaching you a lesson� thing and I can�t help but think that maybe she�s secretly glad I�m not getting further. Which is again a terrible thing to say/think, but I am so not competing with her, on any level. If she gets married and has kids or whatever � good for her! And it hurts when I see quite the opposite from her. Anyway, I guess I shouldn�t take it too close to heart. She had quite a hard life and now she�s trying to prove to herself and the world that she�s �all that.� Which I think she is anyway! ;) Just wish she was more supportive sometimes. Oh well.

In only couple days Mike and I are going to the opera. Yay!