I don't know, I feel sad those days.

Ok, so much for "poor and happy" entry. So, I'm trying to figure out what's going on because i haven't felt that way for a while. Here's my list:

1. I am constantly tired.

2. It seems I cannot lose weight no matter what. It's like a losing battle. Even with exersice.

3. I have no energy to do housework, which in turn leads to frustration because of mess. I don't know how people with children do it. We're alone, and I have Fridays off, and I try to make it all look nice and it still is a goddamn mess.

4. I feel like I'm failing in school. Ironic, considering I quit my job to devote myself to school. I have project upon project and I have no clue what I'm doing. The Web Scripting class is on a road to failure because the teacher does not teach. I feel that my other projects are a mess as well. I don't know if I'll pass my classes this quarter.

5. Mike is NOT supportive. First, because he's frustated himself because of his work. Second, because he doesn't know how to comfort. I'm not joking. If I say that I'm sad he'd be like ok, well, do this and that. He gets into that lecturing mode that makes me want to strangle him! While, incidentially, when he's frustrated he expects me to be nice and not lecture him!

He has no skills when it comes to comforting another human being. He also has no clue how to deal with sick people.

6. I have a very strained relationship with my mom. Well, actually she thinks we're OK and all, but every time I see her I menatlly get ready to get slammed for something. This leads to tension and I feel threatened to show up at my parents' house alone without Mike because she will criticize me - looks, weight, and whatever else she thinks I'm doing wrong in my life. What kills me is that she thinks it's all for my "good." She honestly believes that it's her motherly duty to make me feel like shit.

7. While I do not feel our lack of money really- all those numbers are just numbers as far as our lifestyle - even when Mike made big bucks we still lived where we live, hardly buy things and all - this perspective of 3 weeks without any prospects is a bit annoying. Also I HATE to see Mike in despair. I hate it that he's constantly tense.

8. At times, I miss my job. Not only that but now I'm almost beating myself - that if I didn't quit my job we'd have some stability in our lives. But then I'd be graduating god knows when. So I know it was a right step but I feel so insecure - considering I cannot help us financially in any way.

In conclusion. I don't know how to make things better. I suppose I have it OK - still - most people have it much much worse. But I feel like I want to curl in the corner and not move.