Boy lots has happened within these 3 days. Where do I start. I had a horrible day yesterday, like you know, a day where you feel like your life is going nowhere, you'll never be successful, and all that good stuff. Why? Because of a bad grade. How stupid is that. Basically, I am taking that corproate communications class, (the annual report one) and my teacher is the same teacher that teaches portfolio. Lets just say we don't get along. Oh it's nothing violent or anything... it's just our personality types are way off, we don't match even closely. And to put it simply, she doesn't like my work. Occasionally she would give productive feedback, but I have never gotten a better grade than B-off her. I had her for several other classes. So corp. communications - first project before annual report was an involved thing where we had to make our own box to house corporate identity project done previously (in my case, Myrna Loy thing). She specified extensively how you have to design and make your own box. So like a fool I am, I slaved over that freakin' package, it had its rough edges but overall it was cool. What do you know, half the kids in my class bought their boxes! So of course their boxes looked better and cleaner than mine. They get an A, I get a C! Why? Because "while your design is interesting, the box has its flows, and it's not so easy to get the package out of the box" (which is true because I gave minimal space for that since she went on and on how you shouldn't have a box where your actual package rattles inside, it should be perfectly sized. But the bottom line, she gave a C for a handmade work while those who took it easy and bought got good grades. How fair is that. Sure I could of bought a pretty box and been done with it too! It would cost me much less hours as well. She completely ripped my poster and brochure that went with it. Basically I got a C+ for the whole project. I was ready to cry. I mean, maybe there were little glitches in this whole project but it wasn't a C project. It's just that she doesn't like my personality. I've never gotten along with her since the class one I've taken with her. Argh.

The thing is, this totally made my confidence go way down. All her grading pretty much told me that I worth nothing as a designer, that I totally suck. I know I have to know how to take criticism in this field, and I take plenty from my other teachers, but no one ever makes me feel as bad as she does. Because other teachers would point on good parts as well as bad ones - she only sees bad, at least in my projects.

So needless to say I was in a horrid mood for my internship interview today. I just felt like I am not up to it, like my interviewer will look at my portfolio and laugh in my face. Mike was very sweet and said that I shoudl never take an opinion of a single person as a word of god. But u see, the worst part is that the same teacher is the portfolio teacher, and basically my biggest fear is that at the last moment (say, 3 days before graduation) she'll take a look at my portfolio again and say - it sucks, redo, redo, redo. And anyone who dealt with printers and this whole industry knows that doing something at the last moment is deadly for this profession. It's like you got to be so on top, that everything got to be completley finished by the point it's over. Why? Because in our school, week before finals, the printer goes down every other day. Because so many ppl are printing their final things that it just can't handle the volume. And my school's rates are very good - 0.50 for 8.5x11 color copy, and $1 for 11x17. This is better than most. Go to Kinkos, they charge absolutely enormous ridiculous sums for that same job. So... Bottom line, I cannot afford to correct things last minute. But I feel like she hates me so much, she will make graduation immensly difficult for me. Mike said I'm paranoid, she is not interested in failing me, after all it's her job on the line too, and unless I'd be missing classes and not trying there's no way she'll fail. Like, it takes a lot to fail someone. It better! I got my portfolio today, I already ordered cap and gown, and I am not about to not pass because of her prejudice. Anyway. Of course I tend to take things to heart a lot, but it just absolutely upset me to no end.

And so today I had my interview. I went in without much hope but I tried to perk myself up, just to get mentally ready, and try to do my best regardless of my emotions. So the woman who interviewed me works from home (I actually went to her house for an interview!) and she owns two different companies, and it was so cool, someone who has her own business from home. Guess what? She LOVED my portfolio! She looked at things and said it looked real nice, and asked me all kinds of questions how I did this and that, and I felt totally relaxed and we chatted a while and she hired me on the spot!!!!!!

It's unpaid officially but the job is way cool. Basically I'd be working directly for her and one of her companies and she has this client who needs his whole corporate identity developed, starting from the logo, to the promotional kit, etc. She asked me over the phone befoer the interview to come up with ideas for the logo, and I did, and I brought it in, and she loved it! Not all of them, but couple she really liked. So I have to work on them a bit more and give it to her - haha- by tomorrow! Speaking of pressure :) But it will be incredible asset if the guy actually likes logo and if we make promotional kit - and if it actually will be in print and ready - then I can put it into my portfolio and say here's something I have actually DONE for a real company! This is priceless. Furthermore, she said that if the guy really likes my work she will make him pay! and then she will pay me. So even though officially it's unpaid, she made it sound like I will get paid if my work will be good. Best part - the internship is unlimited, well, basically for the next 5 weeks before I graduate it will be totally unpaid, then she said she understands that I need to find a real job, furthermore she will help - her background is advertising and she knows ppl - and if nothing else give me references, while still giving me freelance projects on the side. She said if we work well together, she hopes to keep me as a designer even if I get a full time job, just giving me little projects. How cool is that!!! I feel thrilled to the bone! Boy I can't wait to get out of the stupid school. I want to work with real people, who actually are interested in your success, not teachers who just try to find faults in your job. So there!

And to top all excitement off, I found the dress for my borther's wedding. This was rather unexpected, because I was planning to buy it after graduation, but Mike and I ended in the mall for dinner tonight, and then just walked around the shops, and anyway, I said lets check out dresses. He's so funny, he loves picking dresses for me. He'd hold those absolutely ridiculous colors and ask is that good :) So anyway, first I had kind of an idea of a party dress which I saw once somewhere, I like the idea of black and white checkers, kind of black and white dress, like Cruella deVille :) I found several dresses close to what I wanted but the prices... let say, $200 is not my idea for a dress. And the more I was thinking the more it was like, I don't want a dress that I'll wear only once, no matter how fancy. Because really, so if I even got that type of dress, I'd wear it to the wedding and then what? It would hang in my closet. So, we were passing JC Pennys and I stopped at their dress department and there it was. A black dress with tiny little white dots, not like polka dots, but they were really small. Completley shoulderless, with a fitting waist and a fluffy, kind of flying out bottom. Kind of like a ballet dress, and it had a red underskirt which kind of stuck out the dress just a little bit. And there's a big red rose on teh chest. And a red belt. Very retro, very 60's looking. I tried it on in a size 9 (they had odd sizes) and it fit like a glove! It was simple, it was pretty, and it cost $30!!!!! I was like, we are taking it and that's it. I have perfect shoes for it, they are red and black meshed together, taht same exact shade of red. And put on string of pearls and it's perfect! I was so happy, here's this perfect dress which I can actually wear just whenever - it's very light, and I don't think it can only be worn for parties, it's a perfect summer dress. A bit flamboyant yes, but hey, what am I, chopped liver? ;) So there, cheap and beautiful. How cool am I? ;)

Ok. Too much positive emotions. The only thing that worries me is this: 4 weeks left and now on top of my school load I have the load of internship and it will be intense because she said that even though she knows that now wil be very busy for me, this client wants the logo and the promotional kit within 5 weeks! So guess what. It's going to be work all around, 24/7. But... after I graduate I will really breath. Yeah!

And I think this is all for now.