Yess, finally Mike is making a bit of money. He is certainly happier, and I feel like a million bucks because of that.

While we're not back to where we were financially, we're certainly not bankrupt. And that's good to know. And also I suddenly realized that my year off will really be so very fast. I mean, only 5 weeks left til this quarter is over. Next Thursday is thanksgiving already.. and before you know, come winter vacation and then only 2 more quarters left. I am thrilled about it mainly because I miss working. I really do - aside for money. Who would of thought, I miss the office athmosphere, even crazy deadlines. But anwyay... June will roll before I know it and I'll finally have a BFA. How cool is that. At 29 almost. And my brother is getting married like 2 weeks after my graduation. Will be non-stop fun it seems :)

But for now I have to just brace myself... just live through the winter. I hate winter . I hate snow, driving in it, cleaning it. I hate cold. I hate cleaning ice off my car every morning. I hate the way I get sad ror no reasons in the winter. I cannot wait till spring!

And once I find that cool job and get the financial stability and stable medical insurance back into our lives.. we may have a kid. I already wrote many times how it's our plan. Sometiemes I get scared and feel like I want to cave out of that one. I have a fear of pain and doctors and medical procedures. The less doctotrs prode my body the better. Birth.. seems so monumental. Someone whose diary I'm following wrote how she cannot emphatize with women who scream and whine during labor... like they should just get a grip of themselves and "do it". I actually can. I am one of those less lucky girls who get this absolutely unbelievable pain during their period.. like, we're talking, cannot move, cannot think, can barely walk type of pain. I have had it ever since I got my first one. Lovely isn't it. I suppose it's some sort of a payback because I do not get PMS and my breasts stay same size all the time (a friend of mne has two sets of bras - one like 2 sizes bigger for her period time....). But the point is, my mom had the same exact type of pain during her periods so she always feels bad for me when I get mine. Even painkillers do not help right away. And one day, my mom goes, well u know, this should give u an idea of childbirth. The pain is very similar to what you're feeling right now during your period only about 20 times MORE!!!! I was like.. um... thanks mom! Now, I am trying to picture myself bearing 20 times more the pain that I normally get.. and I can't. But with all that, I've always been a trooper when it does come to pain - what I mean is, I try to just clench my teeth and not make a sound - when my ears got pierced, or when I donate blood, or whatever else. I fear pain but I try not to whine. But I think if I am ever to give birth I'll yell and scream like there's no tomorrow. I don't care what anyone says.. I think giving birth is heroic enough. I don't have to pretend to be a hero.

Anyway.. this is all still distant future. And yet, it's closer than I think. I cannot imagine myself pregnant. It's really weird, me, pregnant?? I also wonder how it will change our relationship with Nikka. I mean, yes now I am married and she's single and it's hard enough because sometiems she gives me hard time about it. Like a guilt trip. Though I do try honestly to hang out with her as much as I can. But then there is Mike, and it's like, sometiems I have to do certain things - like visit his relatives or whatever- and this is social responsbility and sometimes Nikka has a hard time understanding it. But we've talked about it and we're on good terms. But once I have a kid - how will it be? Sure I sincerely hope that she finds someone good - I really wish she did!!! But I don't know if she will. Besides with her new business about to be open in spring, I don't know how much time will she have for dating. I wrecked my brains trying to figure out if I know anyone I could recommend for her - and I don't . Neither does Mike. And it's like - I know she really wants kids. So if I have one and she doesn't I think she'll take it hard. That's another thing that I feel apprehensive about. Got to live your life though, right.

Ok, well, lets not run ahead of myself. I just like planning. I want my life to be in some sort of order, and I am so ready to graduate. I mean, I've been in school for 3 years (in this one), plus not to mention 1 year I spent in college going for early childhood education, and then realizing I don't want to be a teacher... and then 2 years of community college getting my associate degree in the admin field which I want to escape now. Ironic isn't it. So anywy, that's 6 years of college total. I love, love learning, but I need a break for a while. Actually the ideal environment for me would be to take only classes that I like. I could of taken another biology or philosophy instead of math and statistics any day! ahh. Isn't it funny, also, that I cannot envision myself not working, even when I woudl have a kid. I would go crazy, simply crazy if I had to be stay-at-home mom. Mike's sister does it and I don't know how she does it, really. It's so triing, and you as a parent need some mental stimulation. I think I wouldn't be able to be a good parent to my child if I wasn't mentally stimulated myself. So I think working will do good both to me and my kid. I'd be so depressed if I was locked at home 24/7 and it wouldn't be any good for the kid. But Mike on the other hand loves being at home. working from home makes him super happy and I can totally see him babysitting while I work. We'll have a modern family - mom works dad babysits :) how cool.

Plans, plans, plans. Everything can go absolutely different too - what if I can't get pregnant in a first place. what if we have no $ at all to raise anyone. I don't k now. Sometimes I am afraid to make plans. God always has a way of interfering, u know. But - I just hope all will go smooth.

Harry Potter II was cool! I liked it more than first one. I am simply amazed at how well they pick their actors according to the characters of the books. I do think though that another person who could have played Gilderoy Lockhart pretty well is Owen Wilson. Picture it - blond and blue eyed Owen Wilson to play a flamboyant dude. Yes! But the british actor did a fine job too. I cannot wait till Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix comes out. Around june 2003 as well. Ah, so much to look forward to :))))

Ok, got to do some schoolwork here. Ciao!