Well things are more in order now. We're almost unpacked and apartment looks a bit more human.

That's on a plus side. On a minus side, we moved at work and I feel like ARGHHHHH - I hate this stupid building and place! It's like picture a big hallway wih lots of doors - which are all small offices. And then in a middle of it stand two ugliest desks (painted in some weird mixure of pink and pastel green - uggh) - and that's called "admin base" - so basically we sit in the middle o f nowhere. That's on top of sharing my desk with T. - which I guess is OK, since we're not together at the same time per say but...

Anyway.. I don't really know, I guess I feel out of it b/c there's so much stuff gonig on at work and I feel so emotianlly unready to deal with it. But guess I better b/c it's not like anyoen else will help. Just feels weird being in that stupid building - so different from little cubicles :) And here's another thing - I hate manual work! I am not even embarrassed to say it - but while I am technically "an admin" I would do anything to avoid really stupid administrative tasks - whether unpacking, moving, or filing, or other similar activities. As my mom is fond of saying "if your head doesn't work u work with your hands" and I feel almost too smart to be bothered with it! - yeah so call me princess , whatever. I just feel like I could be doing better things with my time than directing bunch of morons as to where the cleaning supplies are and oh god how can we possibly get headphones! It's like - hello, Im not your mother! Yeah I realize it's also part of my job but some part of me resists it soo much.

I'm thinking - in a way, there's nothing worse than security. I don't know how to explain.. right now, when the economy is so bad and everything pretty much tumbles, my job has been one of the most secured, well paid, etc. I work for the company that actually is not a part of "100 fortune" companies for a reason that it actually evaluates other companies for that titiel!! Its benefits are unbeatable, its philosophy is as much people-oriented as possible in a corporate environment, and its overall success is hardly affected by the economy. And that's why it is so so hard to leave it. Because it gives me health benefits even when Im part time, like now, and it allows me to put my spouse on it as well - which is peachy b/c he has none before we got married.

And so it's hard to tell anyone that Im dissatisfied b/c all I'll get is - be happy that you have such a cool job, such decent salary and balh blah blah. But emotinally I feel like I almost can't stand it, I grew out of it, and I need something different, in a more exciting field. I did extensive search within the company and so far can't find a decent graphic related position. So I don't know. It's so scary to attempt to leave this security.

Well.. anyway. Will see. I guess got to take one thing at a time ......