Weird times. Job and BG intertwined its knots and now I�m sitting in the corner � not quite in the castle, no malt and smoke either �but yeah, sitting in the corner, not even pretending to work- while invisible wheels of a big machine decide my fate � and all I can think of is Winter Rose whom he loves �exactly as she is.�

Who I ask you loved me exactly as I am? Maybe my husband though sometimes I don�t even know about that. Who would want to hire me, give me a cool position not to mention decent money? Since when am I so concerned about money? Everyone is quick to criticize, and apparently the album is a flop overall � but why can�t I stop listening to this song?! Meanwhile someone at the towers of the big corporation is making a decision which could possibly affect all my life. As everything is magically connected, I know that where I end up will make a difference. Axl said once �all u need is just a little patience.� I need loads, oodles of patience!

Keep yourself busy, calm down. He presses �save�, she presses �delete�. Another hour and a half. I am going to be married to Newman, insane?! Second diaryland entry of the day � am I normal?! I haven�t exercised in a week, I live off coffee now, and in my head, there�s a definite fog of Yanczy.

There was a lady today in a lunch room who adamantly lectured on the importance of telling your kids and loved ones to �avoid stress at all costs.� Perhaps BG as a true buddhist avoids it but me, I am more like mohel from Seinfeld. Did I find this place alright, oh my GOD could u SEND me to a more dangerous place?! This is me now, baby, this is me. And yet, and yet� BG sends small waves of magic my way. Between Winter Rose and Fog of Yanczy I somehow manage to get couple moments of inner peace which I need in large quantities now.

COMEON NOW STUPID PEOPLE GIVE ME MY JOB! The funny thing is, I KNOW I will be good. Ideal job is so cool that I know exactly that I�ll do just fine. Sure at first it�s all training but once the initial shock is over I�ll blend right in. Why can�t ideal job people see it?! Or maybe they can? Maybe my fate has been decided long ago, and they just have to pull my strings a little?

Sitting in the corner once again, no castles. My love is optimistic, my friend is promptly mad for me (�those bastards, can�t they TELL u already�) and me� I am somewhere between neurosis and nirvana. Bring it on, bring it on. After all, you�re the winter rose and I love you exactly as you are.